The Funny Factory

I heard some advice a long time ago, that when it comes to motorcycles, cars, racing, etc…..always, create and build to your vision – not to your abilities or resources.  Contrary to what a lot of big ego people in racing will tell you, nobody is born knowing how to do this stuff, and it’s the level of desire to get there that separates the pro’s from the Joe’s.  If you don’t have what it takes today, and you want it badly enough…then persevere until your vision becomes a reality.  Don’t settle.

When I first got into drag racing, Mike Bell (former IHRA Pro Stock Champ) told me the story about John Force, and his humble beginnings.  Long before he became a household name and drag racing’s poster child on ESPN2, “Brute” Force paid his dues racing and blowing stuff up coast to coast for 14 years before he won his first race.  FOURTEEN YEAR’s!!!  That’s perseverance…Shawshank Redemption style perseverance.

Last week I was fortunate enough to take the first small step towards getting a big elephant out of my small room.  I’ve been around nostalgia funny cars for a little while now, and have been completely hooked on them since day one.  My buddy Army Armstrong (former driver of the Jungle Jim Nitro Funny Car) offered up a ride in his ’67 Nova “Joker” Nitro Funny Car for a test session at the Nostalgia Nationals in Beaver Springs, PA.  The plan was to see if I had the stones & desire needed to eventually get a nitro funny car license.

Located deep in the heart of PA’s is the “The Funny Factory” which is the nitro funny car equivalent of NASCAR’s “Days of Thunder”

After making the 12 hr road trip from TN to Amish country PA (I could literally write a book about my experiences as a tattoo’d So Cal transplant with a recently acquired mild southern accent cruising around the rural PA countryside in a beige Toyota Camry wagon……those horse and buggy types were staring at me like I had a fish swimming out of my nose) Army gave me a tour around his shop and then we talked shop about all of our collective resources, experiences and how cool it would be to someday have a 2 car team.  His crew chief (he hates being called that) Nick Lanzaretta and nephew Randy “the baby Cuban” Owens, drove in from Cleveland, and along with Randy “Son of Jungle” Liberman, made up the crew for the weekend.

Army’s Shop - Birth of a Funny Car

Where the molds are poured and bodies made.

Nick told me that nitro methane is a very powerful solvent…so powerful in fact that once racers get a taste, it can dissolve bank accounts, marriages, friendships, etc., lol!  Several other people have told me that there’s no turning back once it’s in your blood.  Funny car icon Big John Dunn said that before I knew it, I’d be selling my household furniture to buy pistons.  I just figured there’s a reason why everything had fallen into place so far and that just like so many other things in life- half of the battle is just showing up.

Sunday finally arrived and I was about as nervous as a long tailed cat in a butcher shop.  The pits were absolutely packed with nostalgia stock, super stock, and alcohol funny cars that were racing for the prestige of a Nostalgia Nationals title.  Army’s car was the only nitro car at the event and was booked in as an exhibition.  He was scheduled to make 2 full passes on the day, and if everything held together without mishap, I would take a hit at the end of the show with a planned early shut off.

Old skool cool – no double stacker trailers or motor homes here…just a ramp truck and a 4,000 hp car!

Check out the shifter…guess nitro cars really are a loaded gun!!

Late afternoon rolled around and Army had successfully put on a great show with 2 passes, clicking it off a little early each time in an effort to save parts and get us through the day.  My final debriefing consisted of a series of instructions on what NOT to do, as the consequences would be extremely unpleasant for everyone if any one of a number of potential driver mistakes was made.  Plus the team was leaving for an IHRA race in Canada this week, so they would need most of the race car and engine to go with them.  All I can say is…there’s absolutely nothing normal about getting into one of these things for the first time.

I tried my best to be super careful and respectful of what the monster was capable of, and also the fact that it wasn’t my equipment.  But after the fuse was lit and the body came down, I was in a world of my own…  Once you focus on the movements, coordination and timing it takes your mind off everything else…it’ll tell you what it wants, and if you can believe it or not, those are actually the peaceful slow motion moments, where you’re not thinking about anything else in the world.  Within a few short seconds and with a blinding sun in my eyes it was all over….the only collateral damage was a timing cone around the 1/8th mile mark.  Not too bad.  Army, Nick and the gang were stoked and I can’t wait to further my education…

On a separate note, the outlaw’s at ORSCA have decided to take a summer time siesta from racing, and will resume the series in September, crowning a champion in November.  Therefore it looks like I’ll be beating the bushes for some racing around the southeast in this summer.  I’m also planning on taking a trip or two out on the road with Army and the gang to a couple of IHRA events…and although I’m not ready to start selling furniture just yet, I am definitely keeping my eyes on the prize….with perseverance and faith.
God bless and keep the rubber side down,

EG

This entry was posted on Friday, July 16th, 2010 at 4:12 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.